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...99 Easy steps (Part 2)

2/4/2015

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~one week before the ball~
38. You have been focusing on the dress, and forgotten to book an appointment with the hairdresser. You'll have to do your hair yourself, all hairdressers within a radius of 5 km are fully booked.
39. Look at youtube to find inspiration.
40. End up finding inspiration for your make-up.
41. Still inspired, go to a beauty shop and buy at least 8 products that you will never use.
42. Realise you're not Camila Coelho.

43. Go back to working on the dress.
Picture
~5 days before the ball~
45. A friend asks you if she can borrow your silver ball clutch. It dawns on you you don't have a purse for yourself.
46. Nor shoes.
47. Did anyone mention jewellery?
48. Go through your closet searching for above items. Find used eye drops, Madame Tussaud's tickets and some hairpins (score! hairpins!).
~4 days before the ball~
49. Seriously, you should work on that dress.
Picture
49. And on your pedicure, for that matter.
50. Instead, spend a few hours browsing fancy clutches.
~3 days before the ball~
51. Watch YouTube. Maybe someone can teach you last-minute how to dance.
52. Try to convince your partner to dance with you.
53. Fail.
~2 days before the ball~
54. Consider doing your legs.
55. And eyebrows.
56. And please, wash that favourite underwear that you were planning to wear in case your dress project fails.
~1 day before the ball~
57. Panic (optional).
58. Buy/borrow/make a clutch that matches your outfit... At least a little.
59.
Panic (optional).
60. Finish that dress.
61.
Panic (optional).
62.
Paint your old shoes with acrylic paint, so they appear somewhat decent.
63.
Panic (optional).
64. Decide on make-up and hair.
65.
Panic (optional).
66. Decide on the menu for the ball evening (who invited guests??).
67. Shop groceries for abovementioned menu.
68. Panic
(optional).
69.
Stuff sick kids with medicine and keep your fingers crossed they get better. Fast.
70. Panic
(optional).
71.
Try doing your manicure. (remember step 42?)
72. You are now allowed to take a shower.
~the day of the ball~
73. If you have completed optional steps 57, 59, 61, 63, 65, 68 and 70, take the kids to the park and breathe.
74.
Cook for guests (who invited guests??).
75. Take 1/2 hour to convince your hair to form curls.
76. And about double that time to look like Kim Kardashian on a bad day (and yet, see step 42).
77. Stuff yourself in the dress (should fit by now if you've been on the diet from step 35).
78. Pack spare shoes.
79. Try to straighten the house.
80. Fail.
81.
Your guests are here.
82.
And your zipper is stuck.
83. Which doesn't matter, as your hair is still not styled and is covering all of your back.
84. Take 24 seconds to fix makeup, hair and dress, and serve food.
85. Drink a glass of champagne.
86. Repeat.
87. Attempt to take group photo.
88. Remove 3 lego pieces, 1 teddybear, 1 half-chewed olive and a cheerio from the floor.
89. Take group photo.
90. Attempt to put kids to sleep.
91. Fail.
92. Fix makeup and hair again. And that spot on the dress.
93. Let the nanny deal with the kids and search for a taxi company number.
94. Fail.
95. Decide to walk to the palace.
96. Stupid idea, it's cold and wet outside.
97. You are now completely exhausted.
98. And sick.
99. Are you sure you still want to go to that ball? And where did you put those tickets anyway?

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